I always adore those wives, who stay calm and composed, adapt themselves fully to their new homes and mould themselves in the new environment. It has always been like that. So much of respect for them. But on the contrary, what about husbands? For centuries, in a patriarchal society like India, women have been brought up with the mindset of considering their husbands as ‘Parmeshwar (God)’ and as the fountainhead of her eternal happiness, her eternal refuge and the carrier of her respect in the society is all by him and his name.
I always aspired to be in a fulfilling relationship with the man of my dreams, and I, indeed am very lucky to be married to the one who could relatively handle my madness and me all the time. I really am! But also, I would like to admit the fact, that I did not aspire for a man as great and Godly like “Ram”!
Many of you must be wondering about my discontentment and unthankfulness for my marriage or relationship. Some of you might be even judging me for how could I not address my man as Godly, but the essence of my message is truly based on considering my husband purely as a human and more as a friend rather than any God to me.
Because, as Sita weighed herself down as a diligent and an obeying wife to part ways with her husband post her release from Lanka on the words of a third person who reprimanded her chastity and character would be unfair in my opinion. Yes ! I do not aspire my husband to be Ram as I definitely am no “Sita”. I just am a woman, who has her parameters of living but also have expectations from her better half. I am also stubborn, opinionated and self-centred at times and I like to have things done a certain way. Would that be possible had I given my husband the position of God or been a Sita to him ?
I rather have my better half as my dearest friend, be courteous to him, still make a few sacrifices who yet would be the utmost precious person in my life, rather than weighing myself down, killing my aspirations, dreams, wants and wish, only to please him thereby compromising on a life-long relationship as a wife to him. I would also want him to be a rock solid support system for me and would always look forward to share my feelings, secrets, responsibilities and confide in him in the truest sense of a life partner.
My man has the full rights to present his thoughts, expressions and yet involve me in his decisions which we intend to envision together. I am not asking to bound a man by the wife’s will and wish. There are many names given to such men : ‘Joru ka gulaam or trained husbands ‘ and what not which is totally wrong. To categorize men on the basis of the battle of opinions between the mother V/S wife is another combat for every man out there, be it for a slightest of moment, yet, it is inequitable towards him. No man has been spared of this though ! I bet you.
The relationship of a Husband and Wife is very beautiful and strong. The baseline of this relationship should be that of mutual trust, respect , understanding and acceptance for one another as they are. Letting go off the patriarchal mindest, responsibilities and shift of expectation only from the woman’s side to both husband & wife would relieve the women from the marital pressures.
Today, be it sharing household responsibilities with my husband or diving into some of his official responsibilities, all of it becomes super smooth once you reciprocate out your expectations to your partner. Failing out as partners would be more of a setback for the two whole beings, rather than living up to the expectations set by others.
And henceforth I ask you, Do we need to stop eulogizing our husbands as Ram ? At this point, or any rather, I would refuse to be a Sita. I would adamantly overlook the fact every time, anyone dares to wish me : “may you have a husband like Ram” because I actually do not aspire him to be one.
There are various ways in which you may avoid such elderly comments. But before I share them, let me complete my share of official work as my husband heads towards the kitchen for tonight’s dinner :p
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Disclaimer : The above article has been written by me and I have no intentions of imposing my thoughts on anyone or hurt any particular sect, caste or creed. The picture used above has been taken from Google